Justice Alito

Get on with it, already. Samuel Alito may not have universally popular views, but such views are not required or necessarily even helpful on the Supreme Court.

For laughs, take a look at this Samuel Alito blog (clearly modeled after mine).

Having reviewed the data, the Great Carnac peers into his computer monitor and sees all:

• Liberals will wage a costly and angry battle against Alito's confirmation.
• Unless he has a Borkian skeleton in his closet, Alito nevertheless will be confirmed to replace Justice O'Connor.
• Alito will not turn out to be as conservative as conservatives hope and liberals fear.
• Someone else will leave the court within three years, and the balance of power will shift again.

Carnac the Great has never been wrong ... as far as you know.

Miers' mires

Contrary to popular belief in some circles, conservatives do not eat their young.

Judging by the reports and commentary since Harriet Miers withdrew her name from consideration for Justice O'Connor's job, you would not know it. Some sources contend that a schism in the conservative base led to the withdrawal.

I am not a card-carrying member of the religious right, so I cannot be sure about that. Like everything else, politics is a question of the moment. If conservatives' choices are between Bush and Gore, they still take Bush and pat each other on the back for their fine choice. But if their choices are between Miers and ... well, not Miers, then the answer becomes fragmented.

Some folks are blaming Miers' lack of charismatic candlepower. Could be. I still do not have a feeling for her.

My guy is still Dave Brewer. And failing Dave, me. Keep your fingers crossed (either way, depending on how you feel about that prospect).

Partnership track

So when they hear the news that I will be a shareholder, the staff asks "Do we have to be nice to you now?"

No, I answer. I do not see any reason for you to treat me any differently.

My dad asks essentially the same question: "Do we have to bow and scrape before you now that you are a shareholder?"

Yes, I answer. I do not see any reason for you to treat me any differently.

Today, one of my colleagues actually referred to me as his partner in an e-mail to an accountant. I actually felt a thrill, 70 miles away. Apparently, I am easily impressed with myself.

One step closer to global domination

You all thought I was just being clever, right?

This morning, the shareholders at my firm offered me the opportunity to become an owner. In the old days before professional corporations, this was called "making partner."

Congratulations rained down--this has happened to an associate only once before in the 11-year history of this iteration of the firm--but the managing shareholder just shook his head. "Condolences might be more appropriate," he said. "But it will take you a couple of months to figure that out, so you might as well enjoy it while you can."

The managing shareholder is the only other guy who has ever been promoted here, and he was joking. Mostly. The one thing that will change clearly is that my compensation will be dictated directly by (i) my personal production and (ii) the firm's control of overhead. If I work myself hard and the employees (sounds odd, no?) efficiently--neither of which would be characterized as "fun"--then I have the opportunity to grow wealthy.

I expected this to happen--if you work hard and are nice to people, good things eventually will happen--but it came a bit earlier than I thought it might. I can live with that. I am a very lucky guy.

My beloved spouse sent congratulatory flowers and is taking me out to dinner. At least until tomorrow, I am going to enjoy the feeling.

Carter Franke Report, Part V

As you know, I have been tracking the piles of mail from various credit card companies, who are doing their part to keep the U.S. Postal Service in business. Between my last report and today, Capital One has seized a commanding lead.

The last several mailings from Capital One have included bonus refrigerator magnets. The theory appears to be that physical hunger will expand to include the urge to acquire additional credit cards, and only Capital One will be there to serve my need. I trashed the first four, but now I am giving them to the A-train, who values magnets more than currency.

Current standings:
Pat W. Johnston (Capital One): 20 letters (and six magnets!)
Carter Franke (Chase): 15 letters
Susan Sobbott (American Express): 7 letters
Matthew McKenna (Bank of America): 5 letters
Janine D. Marrone (MNBA): 10 letters
Thrivent Financial Bank, GM, Jeep, Sallie Mae, JC Penney (Other): 9 letters

Combined Total since July 2, 2005: 68 offers

Child pays attention! Stop the presses!

The A-train, a couple of days past three and a half years old, likes to help me wash dishes. I wash; he stands on a chair and rinses, then moves dishes to the drain.

Because it is still novel, he prefers washing dishes to just about any other pastime. Last night, he actually declined a movie to help dad wash dishes. One of his favorite parts is pulling out the nozzle that projects from the spigot. It stretches about four feet, and retracts into the spigot, tape-measure-like, when you release it.

As we were working last night, he expressed resentment with the fact that I was washing dishes faster than he could rinse them. (A stack of dishes to rinse, of course, means less playing with the retractable nozzle.) I was going to explain that this was his problem, that I was charged only with washing, and that his speed was his own issue.

I started with a question: Do you know what my job is?

He looked up at me. "To tell me what to do?"

I admit, I have told him that on occasion. Now if I can just get him to embrace as enthusiastically that his job is to do what I tell him, we will be all set.

Court Considers Death With Dignity

And no, I do not mean services for the late Justice Rehnquist.

What happened is this: In the late 90s, Then-Senator John Ashcroft lobbied then-Attorney General Janet Reno to crack down on Oregon doctors who were writing lethal prescriptions for terminal patients under Oregon's Death With Dignity Act. His theory was that doctors were using controlled substances, so the Feds could outlaw controlled substances for that purpose and yank licenses if doctors persisted.

Janet Reno wrote a letter back saying no, it was not the job of the Attorney General to determine appropriate medical uses for drugs, and that states were entrusted with that job.

Fast-forward a couple of years. John Ashcroft becomes Attorney General, and not surprisingly, reverses Janet Reno's position. Threats are made, and lawsuits are filed. Lower courts rule against Ashcroft. And last Monday, the Supreme Court heard arguments on the case.

The administration would like to argue that the Death With Dignity Act is a bad idea, so it should be able to cut off use of controlled substances. Sounds simple, sounds appealing ... but my money is on Oregon in this one. Congress would have to jump through several more hoops to get where Ashcroft wants it to be.

Wearing one's heart on a bumper sticker

A woman ahead of me in a Honda Civic this afternoon sported a bumper sticker that said (in considerably more stylized script):

"Boyfriends are like cars. If it is not yours, keep your hands off."

The scary part appeared above the sticker about two feet, in the back window: "For Sale by Owner." If I were the boyfriend, I would tread very carefully.

Justice Harriet?

President Bush has nominated Harriet Miers, the White House counsel, to replace Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. Never heard of her--not that that fact disqualifies anybody. She may be the most brilliant legal mind since ... well, Dave Brewer, for all I know. And I do like the fact that he is nominating a woman. I will watch and learn as the vetting process goes into full swing.