Inexorable progress

In April, I told you about the firm's trip to the Oregon Dental Association's annual convention, and our efforts to figure out how to market our services. It turns out that I may have gotten a client out of it.

The booth across the aisle from ours was hosted by a construction company specializing in offices for physicians and dentists. Because we had the opportunity to spend many hours looking at each other ... and because they had candy bars sitting right there on the counter for anyone to take ... I struck up a conversation with the president of the company. As is traditional, we exchanged business cards.

I explained that my firm represented hundreds of physicians and nearly a thousand dentists, and that we viewed ourselves as specialists because many general practitioners are not familiar with the extensive regulatory environment that should be considered in the business and legal decisions of health care providers. He agreed.

Last week, he sent me an e-mail. He will be helping three doctors (he did not specify the type) construct a building for their practices within our service area. The doctors will need an entity to own the building and an operating agreement to govern how the money flows and what happens if they turn out to be unable to work together.

Right up my alley.

The sales part of legal services

For the past two days, three colleagues and I have been in Portland at a dental conference. My firm represents hundreds of dentists and doctors, who may be among the most demanding of clients, but who also are the epitome of small business owners.

Our role here is as business consultants with legal training. We can help a young dentist buy a practice, set up a professional corporation, create an estate plan, implement tax-favored cafeteria and a retirement plans, comply with voluminous health-care regulations prescribed by state and local governments, and, eventually, sell the practice.

In short, we help people keep their money, and dentists have a prime opportunity to make plenty in the first place. If a dentist does it right, the dentist works four days a week for 20-ish years, and then embarks on a lengthy and comfortable retirement replete with mint juleps, fishing, or whatever else he or she enjoys.

At the convention, we often are overlooked among the hundreds of other vendors. We have worked on non-silly ways to promote awareness of the services we provide. It is a challenge in the couple of seconds that a dentist may be looking at our booth. If you have quality ideas, please float them my direction.

In the meantime, with the convention ending Saturday afternoon, it's back to real legal work Monday. Have a good weekend.

Cue theme song from "The Rifleman"

Vice president Dick Cheney shot a lawyer friend while hunting quail over the weekend. The lawyer, playing against type, is reported to be "stable."

Jokes that are simply too good to pass up:

• I understand the desire for tort reform, but taking out the lawyers one at a time seems a bit too agressive. On the other hand, it's good to see the Veep taking a personal hand in domestic issues.
• If Cheney feels the need to stalk the guy with a rifle in Texas, I guess Cheney really is starting to resent what Quayle did to the vice presidency.
• Like the NRA always says: Guns don't shoot people--Dicks with guns shoot people.

Good thing for conservatives that Justice Scalia skipped this particular trip.

Carter Franke update, Part VI

"So the guy does not blog for seven weeks, and he comes back only to complain about junk mail?"

Yes--this is who I am. Deal with it.

The sad fact is that the pile was getting too tall to ignore. Since my last post on this topic, October 12, 2005, I had accumulated an additional 44 credit card offers. Sadly, no magnets or other potential toys; just offers of low, low rates, partially fixed, then floating, laden with incentives such as cash back (within certain parameters), frequent flier miles, and the opportunity to show my school spirit.

That last one, from the KU Alumni Association, was painful. I am all about school spirit, but those folks already send me enough junk mail without credit card offers--and I already send the school money in outright gifts. Is it reasonable to expect a part of my interest-payment pie as well? Hmmmmm.

My plan is to continue counting until July 2, 2006, when I will try the opt-out programs occasionally advertised in tiny print at the bottom of mailers to see whether they are flagrantly fraudulent or merely misleading. For now, this is the way it looks:

Current standings:
Pat W. Johnston (Capital One): 34 letters (and six magnets!)
Carter Franke (Chase): 29 letters
Janine D. Marrone (MNBA): 15 letters Susan Sobbott (American Express): 13 letters
Matthew McKenna (Bank of America): 5 letters
Thrivent Financial Bank, GM, Jeep, Sallie Mae, JC Penney, State Farm, Disney, Citi, and --sadly--the KU Alumni Association (Other): 16 letters

Combined Total since July 2, 2005: 112 offers

Managing expectations

I am pathetic at keeping up with the blog. Stuff happens, I think it would be neat to comment, and then, as I am falling asleep that night, it turns out that I have not actually done so. The next day, the comment is dated and other duties clamor for attention. Before you know it, two weeks of silence have been broadcast, and the guilt is overwhelming.

Some folks would name the issue as laxity; I prefer "careful allocation of scarce resources." Either way, I apologize. I am ashamed for myself and my ancestors.

Alas, I cannot promise that I will change. Perhaps if I were unemployed ... unmarried ... not such a fan of playing with my brother ... or frankly, any of the above, I likely could be counted on. As it is, though, I am doomed to be an infrequent poster at best.

So here it is: Be ready to not see anything. I understand that this may further erode my readership totals from "more than one," but I cannot mislead any (either?) of you that my voice will become more regular here.

Thank you for your time, and again, my apologies.

Moved to tears

I cried last night on my way home from work. Not because the other attorneys were mean to me--they weren't, especially--but because of a story I was listening to on "All Things Considered."

It was a story narrated by a 56-year-old bus driver who had been lobotomized in early adolescence. You could not tell, from listening to him, but he said it profoundly shaped his life. Apparently, his stepmother did not like him, and she went to this extreme in an attempt to get rid of him.

His father was there, just not fully engaged. The most riveting part of the story is when the man confronts his father about complicity in the lobotomy. The father "does not want to dwell on negative things," and the son accepts that. They conclude their discussion by telling each other they love each other.

My reaction was too complex to describe in this space. I thought of my sons, and wondered whether I could live with myself if I allowed something like that to happen to them. I thought of my father, and whether I could forgive him if he had allowed that to happen to me. And then I heard echoes, in my head, of them pledging their mutual love even after discussing what sounded like complete betrayal, and I have ... no words to describe what I felt.

Anyway, if you have emotional bandwidth, "My Lobotomy" is a story that affected me profoundly. Just do not try to listen while driving.

Going to the snow

My beloved spouse works for the government, so she was off on Friday, which meant she had the kids ... which meant that my workday was the only thing between us and a three-day weekend. So I took the day off to screw around.

We went to the Veteran's Day parade, which the A-Train thought was better than Halloween. "Dad! They're throwing candy right at us."

On Saturday, we went to Diamond Lake, elevation 5,200 feet, for the sole purpose of playing in the snow. It is a drive of an hour and a half each way, and we played for only about 30 minutes, but these are the things that memories are made of.

Today is Downtown Cleanup Day in Roseburg. The A-Train came with me to sweep leaves, and the Franchise (who is crawling now) stayed home to keep Mom company.

Happy Sunday to you all.

Entering the property rights fray

A Marion County judge in my favorite home state ruled recently that citizens cannot tie the hands of the state legislature.

It started with a measure (Measure 37) that requires state and local governments either to waive the regulations or pay landowners if the landowners can establish that a state or local regulation diminishes the value of their property. In effect, it rolls back zoning and state environmental standards.

I saw the appeal, but I think it takes a simple approach to a complex problem, so I voted against it. Nevertheless, it passed, and if constitutional, it is the law in Oregon. It's a multi-faceted decision with a variety of implications, and I am glad I do not have to puzzle it through by myself.

I will be eager to see what the Oregon Supreme Court does with it.

Justice Alito

Get on with it, already. Samuel Alito may not have universally popular views, but such views are not required or necessarily even helpful on the Supreme Court.

For laughs, take a look at this Samuel Alito blog (clearly modeled after mine).

Having reviewed the data, the Great Carnac peers into his computer monitor and sees all:

• Liberals will wage a costly and angry battle against Alito's confirmation.
• Unless he has a Borkian skeleton in his closet, Alito nevertheless will be confirmed to replace Justice O'Connor.
• Alito will not turn out to be as conservative as conservatives hope and liberals fear.
• Someone else will leave the court within three years, and the balance of power will shift again.

Carnac the Great has never been wrong ... as far as you know.

Miers' mires

Contrary to popular belief in some circles, conservatives do not eat their young.

Judging by the reports and commentary since Harriet Miers withdrew her name from consideration for Justice O'Connor's job, you would not know it. Some sources contend that a schism in the conservative base led to the withdrawal.

I am not a card-carrying member of the religious right, so I cannot be sure about that. Like everything else, politics is a question of the moment. If conservatives' choices are between Bush and Gore, they still take Bush and pat each other on the back for their fine choice. But if their choices are between Miers and ... well, not Miers, then the answer becomes fragmented.

Some folks are blaming Miers' lack of charismatic candlepower. Could be. I still do not have a feeling for her.

My guy is still Dave Brewer. And failing Dave, me. Keep your fingers crossed (either way, depending on how you feel about that prospect).

Partnership track

So when they hear the news that I will be a shareholder, the staff asks "Do we have to be nice to you now?"

No, I answer. I do not see any reason for you to treat me any differently.

My dad asks essentially the same question: "Do we have to bow and scrape before you now that you are a shareholder?"

Yes, I answer. I do not see any reason for you to treat me any differently.

Today, one of my colleagues actually referred to me as his partner in an e-mail to an accountant. I actually felt a thrill, 70 miles away. Apparently, I am easily impressed with myself.

One step closer to global domination

You all thought I was just being clever, right?

This morning, the shareholders at my firm offered me the opportunity to become an owner. In the old days before professional corporations, this was called "making partner."

Congratulations rained down--this has happened to an associate only once before in the 11-year history of this iteration of the firm--but the managing shareholder just shook his head. "Condolences might be more appropriate," he said. "But it will take you a couple of months to figure that out, so you might as well enjoy it while you can."

The managing shareholder is the only other guy who has ever been promoted here, and he was joking. Mostly. The one thing that will change clearly is that my compensation will be dictated directly by (i) my personal production and (ii) the firm's control of overhead. If I work myself hard and the employees (sounds odd, no?) efficiently--neither of which would be characterized as "fun"--then I have the opportunity to grow wealthy.

I expected this to happen--if you work hard and are nice to people, good things eventually will happen--but it came a bit earlier than I thought it might. I can live with that. I am a very lucky guy.

My beloved spouse sent congratulatory flowers and is taking me out to dinner. At least until tomorrow, I am going to enjoy the feeling.

Carter Franke Report, Part V

As you know, I have been tracking the piles of mail from various credit card companies, who are doing their part to keep the U.S. Postal Service in business. Between my last report and today, Capital One has seized a commanding lead.

The last several mailings from Capital One have included bonus refrigerator magnets. The theory appears to be that physical hunger will expand to include the urge to acquire additional credit cards, and only Capital One will be there to serve my need. I trashed the first four, but now I am giving them to the A-train, who values magnets more than currency.

Current standings:
Pat W. Johnston (Capital One): 20 letters (and six magnets!)
Carter Franke (Chase): 15 letters
Susan Sobbott (American Express): 7 letters
Matthew McKenna (Bank of America): 5 letters
Janine D. Marrone (MNBA): 10 letters
Thrivent Financial Bank, GM, Jeep, Sallie Mae, JC Penney (Other): 9 letters

Combined Total since July 2, 2005: 68 offers

Child pays attention! Stop the presses!

The A-train, a couple of days past three and a half years old, likes to help me wash dishes. I wash; he stands on a chair and rinses, then moves dishes to the drain.

Because it is still novel, he prefers washing dishes to just about any other pastime. Last night, he actually declined a movie to help dad wash dishes. One of his favorite parts is pulling out the nozzle that projects from the spigot. It stretches about four feet, and retracts into the spigot, tape-measure-like, when you release it.

As we were working last night, he expressed resentment with the fact that I was washing dishes faster than he could rinse them. (A stack of dishes to rinse, of course, means less playing with the retractable nozzle.) I was going to explain that this was his problem, that I was charged only with washing, and that his speed was his own issue.

I started with a question: Do you know what my job is?

He looked up at me. "To tell me what to do?"

I admit, I have told him that on occasion. Now if I can just get him to embrace as enthusiastically that his job is to do what I tell him, we will be all set.

Court Considers Death With Dignity

And no, I do not mean services for the late Justice Rehnquist.

What happened is this: In the late 90s, Then-Senator John Ashcroft lobbied then-Attorney General Janet Reno to crack down on Oregon doctors who were writing lethal prescriptions for terminal patients under Oregon's Death With Dignity Act. His theory was that doctors were using controlled substances, so the Feds could outlaw controlled substances for that purpose and yank licenses if doctors persisted.

Janet Reno wrote a letter back saying no, it was not the job of the Attorney General to determine appropriate medical uses for drugs, and that states were entrusted with that job.

Fast-forward a couple of years. John Ashcroft becomes Attorney General, and not surprisingly, reverses Janet Reno's position. Threats are made, and lawsuits are filed. Lower courts rule against Ashcroft. And last Monday, the Supreme Court heard arguments on the case.

The administration would like to argue that the Death With Dignity Act is a bad idea, so it should be able to cut off use of controlled substances. Sounds simple, sounds appealing ... but my money is on Oregon in this one. Congress would have to jump through several more hoops to get where Ashcroft wants it to be.